EOC: Week 10 Lawyer Jokes

1) Is there a way to thank you?

"How can I ever thank you?" gushed a woman to Clarence Darrow, after he had solved her legal troubles. My dear woman," Darrow replied, "ever since the Phoenicians invented money there has been only one answer to that question" (http://www.ahajokes.com/law048.html)

2) Q & A form jokes

Q: What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 100?
A: Your Honor.
Q: What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50
A: Senator.

(http://www.iciclesoftware.com/LawJokes/IcicleLawJokes.html)

1. "You seem to be in some distress," said the kindly judge to the witness. "Is anything the matter?"
   "Well, your Honour," said the witness, "I swore to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, but every time I try, some lawyer objects" (http://brainden.com/lawyer-jokes.htm)
2. DEER TRACKS

“Two lawyers were out hunting when they came upon a pair of tracks. They stopped and examined the tracks closely. The first lawyer announced, "Those are deer tracks. It's deer season, so we should follow the tracks and find our prey. The second lawyer responded,"Those are clearly elk tracks, and elk are out of season. If we follow your advice, we'll waste the day. Each attorney believed himself to be the superior woodsman, and they both bitterly stuck to their guns. They were still arguing when the train hit them” (http://www.corsinet.com/braincandy/jklaw.html)

5) Get money to heaven

“A stingy old lawyer who had been diagnosed with a terminal illness was determined to prove wrong the saying, "You can’t take it with you. After much thought and consideration, the old ambulance-chaser finally figured out how to take at least some of his money with him when he died. He instructed his wife to go to the bank and withdraw enough money to fill two pillow cases. He then directed her to take the bags of money to the attic and leave them directly above his bed. His plan: When he passed away, he would reach out and grab the bags on his way to heaven. Several weeks after the funeral, the deceased lawyer’s wife, up in the attic cleaning, came upon the two forgotten pillow cases stuffed with cash. Oh, that darned old fool," she exclaimed. "I knew he should have had me put the money in the basement" (http://www.ahajokes.com/law022.html).